In the tradition of the Wand of Wonder, I present…

… a new magic item. I’m inspired by a documentary on Ovations TV on the finest cartoonist of the 20th century. Be afraid. Be very afraid. I’m not sure I’d ever actually use it… nah… I will. Next Friday, if I can. Although last Friday would have been just too perfect!! 😉

Yav Xeret’s Whistle of Ill Luck Blowing this normal-seeming whistle causes to come into being an enchanted black feline imbued with the magical ability to send the most improbable and embarrassing/hurtful bad luck possible to the target. Once the spell is activated, the magical black cat will suddenly appear and cross in front of the target creature, and then disappear into the magical dimension whence it came, too fast to catch. The target creature will then suffer a piece of the most inexplicably bad luck imaginable, based on the following table:

01-15 Anvil falls on target’s head (3d6 damage)
16-19 Concealed pit trap opens beneath target (10′ deep; 1d6 damage)
20-26 Swarm of moths envelops target, consumes all non-magical cloth, and then leaves
27-33 Storm cloud instantly forms above target, lightning strikes for 2d6 electrical damage
34-40 If underground, minor cave-in for 2d6 damage. If above ground, inexplicable pile of rocks falls on target for 1d8 damage
41-53 Storm cloud instantly forms above target, rain douses target for 2 segments, putting out any non-magical fires
54-59 Rake appears in whatever direction target is moving, or will move next. As soon as the target moves, it steps on the rake, causing 1d4 damage
60-68 Flower pot falls on head (1d8 damage)
69-74 Goat appears and devours one item carried or worn on target’s body (if target is not carrying anything, re-roll). Goat then disappears.
75-79 Concealed pit trap with spikes opens beneath target (10′ deep, 2d6 damage)
80-86 Swarm of termites envelops target, consumes all non-magical wood, and then leaves
87-94 Inverted silver bowl descends on top of target’s head, when it disappears (after 1 segment) all target’s hair is gone. If target had no hair, bowl leaves blond curly wig behind.
95-99 Cylinder with cone on top end falls behind target, emits loud piercing noise for 1d4 rounds (effect equivalent to a shrieker’s sound)
00 Glue covers target, then air fills with feathers, sticking to target. Effects as if target were slowed, for 1d6 rounds.

The Whistle will typically be found with 6-17 (1d12+5) charges. Blowing the Whistle takes 1 segment, and the range is 3″. If the target makes a successful saving throw vs. wands/staves/rods, the target will incur two effects rather than just one. A bard blowing the whistle can adjust the rolled result by 10% either way, if desired, with knowledge of what the effect would be. A jester blowing the whistle can adjust the roll by 25%. If the Whistle is used against a Leprechaun, the effect will be turned against the blower of the whistle (“luck of the Irish”). Faerie Dragons and similar lovers of pranks greatly prize these devices.

Written by 

Wargamer and RPG'er since the 1970's, author of Adventures Dark and Deep, Castle of the Mad Archmage, and other things, and proprietor of the Greyhawk Grognard blog.

5 thoughts on “In the tradition of the Wand of Wonder, I present…

  1. Considered this one yoinked, the whole kit and kaboodle, if I might! Fantastic stuff! My old gaming crew and I had a years long love affair with Arduin inspired ‘Whimsy Tables’, which even devolved into an entire class of silliness, the Mar-Vexian mage, which I brewed up for one particularly crazed player.

    ~Sham aka Dave

  2. I was a big fan of Arduin, albeit more to read than to actually use, back in the day.

    Glad you all like it so much! For those who are interested, you can find the inspirational cartoon on Youtube:

    (If you’re planning on using the Whistle, it might give some practical inspriation as well. Heh, heh, heh.) Man, that dog is a prick.

    Maybe I should dust off my copy of “Toon!” ;-P

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