Star Wars coming in 3D

Seems that George Lucas doesn’t have enough of my money. Now he is going to be re-releasing all 6 Star Wars films in 3D. Here is the release schedule:

  • The Phantom Menace (2012)
  • Attack of the Clones (2013)
  • Revenge of the Sith (2014)
  • Star Wars (2015) – I refuse to call it “A New Hope” and Han better shoot first this time!
  • The Empire Strikes Back (2016)
  • Return of the Jedi (2017)

So I’m going to have to wait six years to see the asteroid field chase scene in 3D. I have a feeling it will be worth the wait. The rest… I’m not sure what 3D is going to do for The Phantom Menace or Attack of the Clones, but there are probably a couple of scenes in each of the other films that will be better off for it; the Battle of Coruscant, the Death Star trench run, the asteroid field chase, going into the superstructure of the Death Star…

Written by 

Wargamer and RPG'er since the 1970's, author of Adventures Dark and Deep, Castle of the Mad Archmage, and other things, and proprietor of the Greyhawk Grognard blog.

22 thoughts on “Star Wars coming in 3D

  1. Blegh!

    I guess if you're gonna make crappy movies (or crapify some formerly decent movies) you might as well go all out and use the most obnoxious medium possible.

  2. Pass.

    How many times does George "One Good Idea" Lucas think he can sell the same old rope?

    Diminishing creative returns doesn't just apply to rock stars.

  3. Oh dear gods, please say it isn't so. :/

    I thought I heard a bit of this on the radio this morning, but I'd convinced myself I'd simply misheard the DJ. Surely, even Lucas wouldn't go so far. I should have known better.

    What's next?

    "Star Wars, now remastered in Force-O-Vision!!! You'll feel The Force flow through you! (Just beware when Lord Vader finds your lack of faith disturbing…)"

    (Rumor has it that Han doesn't even shoot in this one – Greedo's pacemaker experiences a catastrophic hardware malfunction, causing him to spontaneously explode.)

  4. If they had been filmed in 3D in the first place, that would be one thing, but adding it after the fact is an unsatisfactory process, although Lucas can likely throw more money at it than the producers of The Nightmare Before Christmas or Clash of the Titans could.

    Still, he's had enough of my money now, and the most recent edit of Return of the Jedi annoyed me so much, I won't give him any more.

  5. David: The issue with who shot first is that, if Han shot first (as he did in the original "Star Wars"), it shows him to be ruthless and perhaps even amoral. That plays into the later characterization of him as a venal mercenary only in it for the money, and makes his triumphant rescue of Luke at the end a very unexpected and sharp juxtaposition.

    If Greedo shot first (as the scene was later changed to) or if they shoot simultaneous (as it was still later changed to), we lose that edge of danger and ruthlessness and turns Han into a much more prosaic hero, rather than the anti-hero who has a conversion of character at the end of the film.

    In short, if Han shoots first, it turns his rescue of Luke at the end into a significant development for the character. If Greedo shoots first, it turns Han into a much more one-dimensional character.

  6. @ Matt

    No way. The live action one will be in the new 4D Tesseractvision. You'll be able to watch it only once before your mind closes itself off in a small extra-dimensional bubble to avoid the horror of allowing that memory to exist in the physical universe.

  7. I have a bad feeling about this. . .

    George is probably going to edit the Han/Greedo scene out altogether. Nobody shoots first!

    I've often wondered how Lucas can get along with Spielberg. At least Spielberg has been creative and done a wide variety of creative films over the last few decades, whereas Lucas just recycles & recycles. Ugh!


  8. Oy. OK, George, you know when you said that "Movies are never complete, just abandoned"? Well, guess what? It's done already! Has been for 30+ years! Stop! Please!

    I need to go lay down now.

  9. There is one, count it ONE single redeeming feature about the 'rise' of 3D as a production-loved medium – it makes the large screen, flat panel TVs that people *ACTUALLY WANT* cheaper.

    Seriously though, this 3D nonsense has to stop. It's just an awful, horrible crutch. It adds nothing to the film, it dilutes the requirement of actually telling a story or developing characters and it gives my wife vertigo to the point that the people in front would likely need to watch out for chunks of lunch in their popcorn.

    Anyway, Lucus. Done, pass. Got the DVDs, don't need any more.

    *ahem* Sorry about the rant, Joe. It's 8am and I've no bloody clue why I'm up so stupidly early. Mornings make Rob cranky!

  10. Although I firmly disagree with Lucas' choice regarding the Han/Greedo shooting first thing, at least I understand it (he claims he doesn't want children to see Han shoot first). This, of course, is more nonsense on par with the addition of the flashlights in ET, and is certainly detrimental to Han's character development in the movie.

    Tangent; I honestly don't get this push to protect children from everything nowadays; after all we all turned out fine didn't we? As my dad puts it, he grew up watching tons of westerns on TV and he "never once had a desire to shoot a indian." I mean, people, just make your movies and let parents decide for themselves if their kid should be watching it or not. You don't need to protect the audience from your own film, there's plenty of other people out there trying to do that already.

    But back on topic, the worst addition to Star Wars (no 'A New Hope' for me either) is the scene with Han and Jabba in the docking bay:

    1. It's completely redundant; it basically all the stuff we just saw in the scene with Greedo.

    2. It kills the mystery surrounding Jabba's character; the best films work in the realm of the mind. It's a much more engaging experience to hear about this sinister gangster and spend 2 movies imagining what he's going to be like than to be shown a few minutes after he's mentioned.

    3. And, worst of all, it ruins Jabba's credibility; Han steps on his tail and he doesn't do anything about it? In a room full of his own men? Yes, here Lucas destroys yet another character in a vain attempt to get a cheap laugh (not that I've ever heard anyone laugh, mind you).

    This scene takes away any power Jabba had. He's supposed to be a cut-throat gangster and yet he allows Han to disrespect in front of his subordinates with no repercussions. By doing nothing, Jabba not only loses the respect of the audience but should also lose the respect of his men as well.

    Also, on the same topic, Jabba has nothing better to do than to go confront Han personally? He has hundreds of minions at his disposal, not to mention bounty hunters, and assassins and yet the most feared crime boss on Tatooine hears Han Solo is in town and says, "quick guys, get the Buick, I'm going down there!" It completely ruins Jabba as well.

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